Board Thread:Fun and Games/@comment-25754873-20141220155141/@comment-67.22.249.68-20141226221602

MrHobit1234 wrote: User 67 you can but he dies quickly or he can be the nagor villain. That's exactly the problem. In a world where villains die quickly, I'd rather keep my dude out of it, lest he perish.

Slythe was walking across the road the Gondorians had said would lead to the Grey Keep. She was shivering quite a bit. Her jungle home was often hot and muggy, and she was dressed how she would at home, with a short skirt and a short-sleeved shirt, and lots of jewels adorning her neck and arms. Her clothes were silk, designed for comfort and not warmth. And so here she was further north than she'd ever been before, and at higher elevation than ever, with clothes designed for intense heat. Needless to say, she was overjoyed when she saw the warm glow of the Grey Keep's hall.

The Grey Elves along the bridge had been expecting her, and so didn't stop her as she walked by. Once she got to the first gate, Anduthuine looked down.

"You are Ms. Slythe I presu-" He stopped when he saw her. It took him a moment to recover. "Um, come right in." The gates parted before her. As Slythe walked through, there was a small smile on her face. Everywhere I go, even in the North.

Anduthuine wasn't the first. She got many looks as she walked through the forest within the fortress, and along the walls. A few even stopped in their tracks. She had that kind hip-swaying of walk that seemed to leave men momentarily dazed. Once she got up to the main hall, however, it was her turn to stop in her tracks. For this was her first glimpse of the fabled Eureka Enderborn.

It appears that the tales of his wondrous morbidity were not exaggerated. Surely there could be nothing else in all of existence quite like him.

He saw her about the same time she saw him. The thing that startled her almost as much as his appearance was the fact that he wasn't remotely stunned by hers. Most men, and even Elves and Dwarves just stopped and stared like the slack-jawed idiots they were, but this one didn't. Eureka motioned for her to come over to the table where he was in conversation with an Elven male, an Elven female, a Dwarven male and the man from the gate, Anduthuine.

She took her seat at the table. "You must be Slythe, the one kind enough to sell all those melons."

"Yes indeed. Tell me, what malady has caused you to be unable to drink anything but this melon drink?"

"Fell this." Eureka held out his right arm. It glittered white in the light of the Elven torches Slythe felt it. It appeared to be made of some kind of metal! A metal man! She ran her hands along this spectacular arm, trying to figure out what it was. She noticed the Elven female frown for a moment when she did this.

"How is this possible?" Slythe asked. "How can you even be alive?"

"Well, I was once a statue. A talented Elven smith decided to try out a new type of metal called Titanium. He used the ore he got to forge a statue: me. Little did he know that that would be the only titanium in the world. Anyway, Eru Illuvatar gave me a soul, gave me life. To do so, however, he had to do this." He held out his left arm, which was covered in skin so black it didn't reflect any light at all. In fact, it looked more like an arm shaped hole in the universe than an actual arm. "This is my gift and curse. I am uncannily strong, fast, and magical. I can teleport and see in the dark, as well as all magic granted to High Elves. However, I have to duck when going through most doorways, I have to crawl to get through Hobbit holes and Dwarven houses, and any liquid stings like a dozen bees. All liquid except Miruvor and this melon concoction."

"Ah, but where are my manners? Slythe, this is Balgorod, general of my armies abroad."

Balgorod, who had been staring at her the entire time, started out of his trance. "Hello. Very nice to meet you."

"This is Anduthuine, general of my local armies."

"Yes, hello again."

"This is Lithus, lord of Lothlorien. He serves directly under me."

"Greetings."

"And finally, this is Arienna, lordess of Mirkwood."

Arienna smiled at Slythe and said "Hello." Then she turned to Eureka. "Now you don't go sending this woman any signals, Eureka. I don't want competition."

Slythe deduced what was happening immediately, and decided to have some fun. "Why, afraid of a challenge?"

Arienna turned back to her. Anduthuine's eyes widened, and Balgorod went "Oh, this could be interesting."

"No, I don't want competition because they'd probably run home crying, thinking they'll never land a guy. I don't want to make anyone do that."

"Then you're not doing it right."

Eureka butted in. "Ladies, ladies, there's no reason to fight. After all, there is no contest. Arienna, there won't be any competition because you're not currently competing for anything."

"Oh Eureka, you're much too cold and hard." Arienna said.

"Of course he's cold and hard, you pointy-eared prick," Slythe said "he's made of metal."

At this point, Balgorod and Anduthuine were both attempting to hide their laughter, while Lithus and Eureka sat dumbfounded. Arienna stood up. "OK, listen here you pompous little cankerblossom!"

Eureka stood up now too, and threw his long slender arms in between them. "Break it up you two. Now, Arienna, the meeting is adjourned. You should get back to your protectorate." Arienna threw one last nasty look at Slythe before she, along with the other three members of the meeting walked off. Balgorod, however, turned back around and looked at Slythe.

"You have some excellent insults, I'm impressed."

"Oh be quiet you stubby, hairy little creature, you've got no chance."

Balgorod's face went red. "No one talks to me like that!"

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. Now go, or I shall taunt you a second time."

Balgorod's face got even redder. He opened his mouth to say something, but Eureka walked in front of him, leaned in, and whispered "I suggest you go, there's a lot of peril for you here."

"But I like a good bit of peril."

"Yes, well this peril is far too perilous." Eureka took his seat again, and Balgorod walked off.

"My apologies for that." Slythe said. "Everyone's been too scared to argue with me for a while now, so I have to get my licks in whenever I can."

"Yes, but that seemed a bit much."

"That Arienna woman seems to like you."

"Yes, well I'm afraid that won't quite work."

"Why not?"

"Well, the sculptor who created me didn't think I would eventually come to life, so he neglected to give me everything normal people would have. Furthermore, Eru didn't really include love in the list of emotions and feelings he added to my conscious."

"So That's why!"

"Why what?"

"Well, I'm pretty much used to males being rendered speechless on the sight of me."

"Why's that?"

"Well, because.... this is hard to explain. Basically, I'm so very good looking that a men seem to momentarily lose control over parts of their brain."

"Really?" Eureka leaned in, somewhat fascinated. "I do know that you're probably the most attractive female I've ever seen, but I never knew that regular men did that. Very interesting. But now, let's get to business."

Out-of-character

Aurastus, maybe Glosur should be coming for a visit when Slythe's there or something, because I don't know how else you'll find out about her existence.