User blog:High Prince Imrahil/The Wiki Family Road Trip - Day 4

Alright, so the road trip is now entering VERY boring territory. With no scenery or basically anything interesting to talk about, I was forced to branch out a little to find good storylines.

If you haven't already, you should probably start the adventure way back here with Part 1







Imrahil sighed with relief as he made his way down to the hotel dining area for breakfast. The sun was shining, it was a beautiful (if a little chilly) day, and it was practically the last day of the journey. Tomorrow was just a short jaunt over the Cascade Mountains from Spokane to Seattle. He grabbed some fruit from the buffet table, and sat down at a booth across from Chaz.

"Okay, I have the route all figured out." announced Imrahil, tracing the route on the map with his finger. "We take Interstate 90 the whole way. It leads up through Missoula, through the northern part of Idaho, and straight to Spokane. Tomorrow, we'll make the final push across the Cascade Mountains, but that'll just be a few hours. So this is pretty much the last hard driving day we have.



---



"Okay, so then why can't I call shotgun?"

Patrick sighed, stunned with Morgul's ignorance about family road-tripping. But he was fairly new to the practice, since the majority of Wiki Family Road Trips had been taken after he moved to Nebraska, so Patrick was patient.

"Okay," continued Pat with a sigh, "you can't call shotgun because this is a long road trip. Imrahil needs someone to help him with the map and the GPS and stuff. If normal shotgun-calling rules applied, then someone unqualified might call shotgun. Then Imrahil would have to handle all the maps himself, accidently drive off a cliff, and kill everyone."

"So?"

"So Shotgun Calling Rules under Section D, Paragraph 7 in the Official Wiki Family Handbook, are over-ridden and replaced with Paragraph 8. Paragraph 8 states, and I quote: 'In any trip over fifty miles, the wishes of the driver must take precedent in deciding the person or persons that are allowed into shotgun over the entire length of the journey.'"

"This is all so confusing..."

<p class="MsoNormal">"Really, it all comes down to a few simple rules. They're all outlined here in The Official Wiki Family Handbook."

<p class="MsoNormal">"Hand that over here!"

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Appendix 32: 'Official Road' Trip Rules

<p class="MsoNormal">'''1. Don't mess with Imrahil's coffee. Failure to follow this rule will result in instant death via bludgeoning by said coffee mug.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''2. Do not give ratings on Imrahil's driving skills. It is frowned upon. '''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''3. Do not insult 'Britain' in front of Itallie.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''4. Do not insult 'Texas' or any part of 'Dixie' for that matter, in front of Travian or Imrahil.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''5. The back seat is not to be used as a time-out zone no matter how much someone needs a time-out.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''6. No whoopee cushions, especially in the driver's seat. It might have been funny the first fifteen times, but it's not now.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''7. There is not a secret still in the trunk of the car. It is not just behind the spare tire, and Imrahil definitely doesn't use it to brew bootleg whiskey, so don't go looking for it.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''8. ONLY THE DRIVER CAN TOUCH THE DASH!'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''9. Resist the urge to play "Owner of a Lonely Heart" over the car radio when Imrahil strikes out with a diner waitress.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''10. Don't take portable speakers into the restaurant with you, just so you can play Too Close when Imrahil inevitably gets shut down by a waitress.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''11. Do not take bets on how many diner waitresses Imrahil will strike out with over the course of the trip.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''12. You know what, if it has to do with Imrahil and romance, just leave it alone.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''13. No drawing pentagrams on the car.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''14. Or the number 666.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''15. Or other various demonic symbols.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''16. slipping colored hair dye into Imrahil's shampoo is NOT allowed.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''17. The Twilight Saga is banned. Period. Any of the novels found onboard will be instantly tossed out the window. Perpetrators will be murdered via katana.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''18. Food fights are strictly forbidden.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''19. If the car is locked, please kindly ask Imrahil to unlock it instead of hacking at it with a katana.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''20. "Yo Mamma Jokes" are not acceptable ways to pass the time.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''21. When Imrahil asks you to help him figure out a route on the map, "Second star to the right and straight on 'till morning!" is not an acceptable answer.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''22. DO NOT AXE BOMB THE CAR!'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''23. Do not play The Twilight Zone theme whenever something weird happens. Weird stuff happens all the time, and listening to it over and over again really gets annoying...'''

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Morgul continued to read. And read.

<p class="MsoNormal">"How many of these are there?!"

<p class="MsoNormal">"Meh, around fifteen hundred or so. We've compiled them over the last few years."

<p class="MsoNormal">"Wow."

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">---

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">It was a very, VERY boring drive through Montana and Idaho. Even more-so then South Dakota, if that's even possible. Morgul, from lack of anything better to do, continued reading through the rules.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">'''142. when you step off the bus to go to the bathroom, you do not need to announce "I'll be back!" in an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''143. The phrase 'are we there yet?' is herby banned from use.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''144. NO HITCHHIKERS!'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''145. No spiking drinks. We had more then enough of that when Tina went with us on that trip to 'Detroit'. The DCPD is still very angry with us about that.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''146. Stop playing the Pirates of the Caribbean theme whenever Faenor practices his fencing.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''147. No more flash bombs on the car, no matter how "awesome" you think they are.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''148. Stop shouting "don't panic!" whenever Imrahil almost drives off the road. It really doesn't help.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''149. No more prank calls from Imrahil's phone! Even if he leaves it in the car unattended, and even if it's really tempting, you may not call up all his former girlfriends and ask each one if their refrigerator is running.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''150. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CURCIMSTANCES replace Imrahil's coffee with decaff. Seriously, this is the equivalent to signing your own death warrant.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''151. Only family can play poker. Need I remind you of the last time, when Pat and Dark won against all those bikers in 'Memphis'? Things can get out of hand fast, and Faenor really doesn't want to use his katana more then he has to.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">'''152. The use of pineapples and maracas is hereby-'''

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Morgul's reading was interrupted, as he heard Imrahil talking on the phone. Then he heard Imrahil yelling and swearing on the phone. Imrahil then slammed the phone repeatedly on the dash board, and shoved it in the glove compartment.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Another one of your old girlfriends complaining about Argali's prank-calling?" asked Chaz, sipping calmly on a Dairy Queen milkshake.

<p class="MsoNormal">"No!" exclaimed Imrahil angrily, "It's Dragon! He's destroying our house! He used my new jacket as a shower mat because he couldn't find the real one! He's eaten all my Lucky Charms, he's wearing dad's favorite bathrobe, and when he's not out ransacking our abode, he's blaring the HGTV channel at all hours of the day and night! Eureka's about to kill him!"

<p class="MsoNormal">"Lucky." commented Tyberious, in his usual dark monotone, "I wish someone would kill me. Then I could hang out in the graveyard all the time, instead of just on weekends!"

<p class="MsoNormal">"Uh... don't you like being... alive?" asked Morgul, foolishly not knowing how deep Tyb's emo side went.

<p class="MsoNormal">"No..." continued Tyberious, "There's only one thing good about life: death. And dying... and the color black... and New Orleans. I like New Orleans. It's hot and depressing."

<p class="MsoNormal">"What do you do all day?!" exclaimed Morgul, despite Imrahil motioning him to stop.

<p class="MsoNormal">"I usually start my day with a pint of blood at dusk." continued Tyberious in emotionless monotone, "Then I'll light some candles... and cry for a while..."

<p class="MsoNormal">"Oh...Kay..."

<p class="MsoNormal">"Life is cheap, man, and then you die!" exclaimed Tyberious, somehow seeming passionate without leaving his dark monotone, "But if you prepare for the afterlife now, you can summon spirits. That's the truth of the pentagram, man."

<p class="MsoNormal">"How... uh... profound."

<p class="MsoNormal">"I also dabble in the dark arts."

<p class="MsoNormal">"Like, voodoo?"

<p class="MsoNormal">"Of course not. Why does everyone assume that just because I'm an emo I'm weird?"

<p class="MsoNormal">"Uh... it could be that you're wearing all black. Or the fact that you're pale and covered in black makeup. Do you ever even leave the house?!"

<p class="MsoNormal">"Only when it's raining... or I need milk..."

<p class="MsoNormal">"Riiiiiiiiiiight..." said Morgul, very weirded out and trying to change the subject, "By the way, Imrahil, how much further to our next hotel?"

<p class="MsoNormal">"Just a few hours." came the reply.

<p class="MsoNormal">Between conversing with Tyberious, playing poker, and reading the Wiki Family Rules, time had actually moved rather quickly for Morgul. They were already acrossed the state line and into Idaho. It wouldn't be long until they arrived at Spokane, and their road-trip would be almost completed.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">"Dude, you realize that's not how you play Grand Theft Auto, right?"

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Imrahil was sitting on the couch in the hotel room, his feet kicked up on the coffee table, his beloved laptop resting on his, well, lap.

<p class="MsoNormal">That night was more or less the last night of the road trip, so Imrahil convinced everyone to stay up a while and have some fun instead of just collapsing into their beds. The whole family was currently packed into two adjoining hotel rooms. Imrahil, Morgul, Dark and Argali were all kicked back on the couch half-watching a Blue Jackets game. Faenor was reading a book about Japanese swordfighting styles in the chair, Edacnik was in the kitchen making some food, and Berry and Shadow were watching TV in the other room. Everyone else was in the other room.

<p class="MsoNormal">Currently, Imrahil was playing a copy of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, he had recently purchased online.

<p class="MsoNormal">"What do you mean this isn't how I'm supposed to play it?"

<p class="MsoNormal">"You're literally just slowly driving your car around, perfectly following the rules of the road, and staying within the legal speed limit." said Argali, looking at the computer with distain.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Uh... yeah."

<p class="MsoNormal">"Couldn't you, you know, do that in real life?"

<p class="MsoNormal">"Yeah, but it's less work here. Why, are you supposed to play it?"

<p class="MsoNormal">"... by building a criminal empire, rampaging through the city, and killing as many civilians as possible."

<p class="MsoNormal">"Yeah, but... that wouldn't be very nice..."

<p class="MsoNormal">"IT'S A GAME!!"

<p class="MsoNormal">"Whatever... Hey Dark, what movie did you want to watch?"

<p class="MsoNormal">Dark, nearly dozing off as he watched the Blue Jackets get slaughtered by the Pittsburg Penguins, suddenly jerked awake.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Huh? Wha-??" he asked, in post-sleep confusion.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Ah, Dark, always the elequent one." said Imrahil with a smile, "I asked what you wanted to watch on TV."

<p class="MsoNormal">"Immy, I know you really want to stay up late and have a special almost-the-end-of-the-road-trip party, but I'm exhausted. I think I'm gonna head on to bed."

<p class="MsoNormal">Imrahil tried to argue, but was stopped by a yawn.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Alright, alright. I guess we should all get some sleep."

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Dear Imrahil,

<p class="MsoNormal">'Whoa! If you're reading this, that means you actually got to Spokane, Washington alive! Respect +500! I have to keep this short, as I'm a little busy at the moment. All I can say is that you're in for a huge surprise tomorrow, dad was telling me about it. Well, I'm afraid I have to sign off already, sorry for being so brief.'

<p class="MsoNormal">Your brother,

<p class="MsoNormal">Travian