User blog:High Prince Imrahil/The Wiki Family Road Trip - Day 3

Madness begins to set in... as a veteran of many road trips, I can safely say that the insanity of this chapter perhaps isn't too far off the mark for so many hours of driving.

If you haven't already, you must start the adventure clear back at part 1.

Imrahil sat with Chaz at the breakfast table in the hotel dining area. They were going over different maps for the day's travel.

"... so we go along Route 90," Imrahil was saying, tracing the route along the map with his finger, "We'll go through Wyoming, cut upward through Montana, then make west. By nightfall, we should hit Bozeman, where we'll stay for the night."

"Alright." said Chaz, "I've mapped out some good places for lunch. Sheridan looks good, then we can continue onto Livingston for dinner, just before we hit Bozeman."

"Excellent work. With a little luck, this day shouldn't turn out half bad."

"I wouldn't really rely on luck. We may be Irish, but luck very rarely sways our way."

"Yeah, weird how that works. Maybe it's because we're Irish that we're so unlucky. Maybe our family upset a leprechaun or something a few hundred years ago."

"I don't think that's how leprechauns work."

"Maybe it was a rogue leprechaun."

"A rogue leprechaun? Seriously?"

"Don't make jokes! I saw a leprechaun once! He was outside trimming the hedges."

"Dude, that's Mister McGregor, the fat ginger guy from next door."

"Oh. I wondered why leprechauns were doing yard-work. Anyways, where were we before we went into the whole 'rogue leprechaun' thing?"

"I don't even know. Let's just eat breakfast."

"Okie-dokie-lokie."

--

After a joyous breakfast in which everyone reunited with their long-lost brother Morgul, everyone begrudgingly squeezed back into the bus for another day of boredom and torment. Morgul sat in the back row with Pat, Aramir and Dark. Yes, thing were dark, but to Imrahil, nothing could possibly go wrong!

--

"... day three... tensions are high... morale is low... there is talk of mutiny..."

"Chaz, could you quit it?" snapped Imrahil, "you're really not helping things!"

Everyone had now reached that stage in the road-trip where they were no longer amiably tired. Now they were awake, cranky, irritated, and generally hated everyone around them. Which was unfortunate, since they were all crammed together in a small space. At last, Imrahil saw a "roadside rest" sign and pulled in.

"Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom and get a snack out of the vending machine. Anyone else want anything?"

Everyone shook their heads as Imrahil departed. An eerie silence settled over the van as Imrahil disappeared inside the building.

"Far too long!" shouted Faenor suddenly, "Far too long has Imrahil had control of this road trip! He leads us to ruin and despair! He gives exclusive shotgun rights to those that serve him instead of letting us call shotgun, as is our right as human beings! The time has come to make a change! The time has come to have a revolution!"

Faenor sprung into the driver's seat, cackling with the evil madness that over thirty hours on the open road can bring.

"I hereby declare myself the new leader of this road trip! All will bow to my rule!"

"No!" exclaimed Chaz, "I will never bow to you! Imrahil will always be the leader of this trip, and not even you can change that! Go back to the shadows of the bench seat from whence you came!"

"Traitor!" screamed Faenor, "traitorous scum! Seize him!!"

Elestan and Karos took an uncertain step forward from the front bench and the latter laid a hand on Chaz's shoulder.

"You can't do this!" shouted Chaz, "Imrahil will return, and when he does, you shall know fear!"

"Fool! Take him to the back bench! Elestan, take his place at shotgun. Join with me, and together we shall rule over this van with an iron fist!"

"Uh... okay..."

"BWAHAHAHAHA!!!"

High Prince Imrahil(Moderator) Lord of Dol Amroth  (Fill My Mailbox) 00:16, April 19, 2017 (UTC)

Imrahil looked at the peanut butter crackers. Then back at the cookies. Then at the peanut butter crackers. Then at the cookies. Darn, this vending machine might be the hardest decision of his whole life.

High Prince Imrahil(Moderator) Lord of Dol Amroth  (Fill My Mailbox) 00:16, April 19, 2017 (UTC)

Meanwhile, Faenor continued to dominate the bus, imprisoning all who opposed him in the back bench seats. With his coup nearly completed, he cast an evil eye towards the rest stop.

"The only way for me to truly have control... is to eliminate the former regime."

High Prince Imrahil(Moderator) Lord of Dol Amroth  (Fill My Mailbox) 00:16, April 19, 2017 (UTC)

Imrahil's finger hovered shakily over the A-7 button to get the peanut butter crackers. Suddenly, doubt shook him. Should he get the cookies instead? Darn it, he needed those cookies. Or maybe the peanut butter crackers would be better after all...

High Prince Imrahil(Moderator) Lord of Dol Amroth  (Fill My Mailbox) 00:16, April 19, 2017 (UTC)

Faenor stepped out of the bus, and walked towards the building Imrahil had disappeared into, laughing evilly the whole time. Yes, with Imrahil defeated, he could finally seize control of the bus. Yes, from now on HE would be the one to decide Taco Bell or McDonald’s, HE would be the one to navigate three dozen turn lanes, HE would have all the power!

High Prince Imrahil(Moderator) Lord of Dol Amroth  (Fill My Mailbox) 00:16, April 19, 2017 (UTC)

Yes, yes, the cookies. Imrahil was quite sure. Delicious, salty, peanut-buttery- oh wait, that wasn't the cookies, that was the peanut butter crackers. Maybe he would get those instead. But the cookies looked pretty good, too...

High Prince Imrahil(Moderator) <font color="#0000FF">Lord of Dol Amroth  <font color="#0000FF">(Fill My Mailbox) 00:16, April 19, 2017 (UTC)

"No!"

Faenor's vision suddenly went dark as he felt a huge weight hit against his back. It turned out this was Chaz tackling him from behind. A brief wrestling match ensued, but Chaz was more limber having spent so much time in shotgun, whereas Faenor was cramped and stiff from being in the back bench. Chaz came out on top, managing to pin his foe to the ground.

"Come to my side..." offered Faenor, "my side is the side of liberty, of righteousness. Support my bid for van-wide power, Chaz, and you will have wealth beyond your wildest dreams. I know for a fact there's at least $2.36 in change in the glove compartment."

"That's tempting, Faenor. But I cannot betray my brother, even for such wealth and influence."

Faenor nodded soberly.

"I understand."

With that they calmly proceeded back to the van and released all those that Faenor had exiled to the back seats. With Faenor's evil regime finally liberated, peace once again reigned throughout the van.

<font color="#0000FF">High Prince Imrahil(Moderator) <font color="#0000FF">Lord of Dol Amroth  <font color="#0000FF">(Fill My Mailbox) 00:16, April 19, 2017 (UTC)

Imrahil walked outside, and slid into the driver's seat. Everyone was eerily silent.

"Uh... everything okay in here?"

"Yup." Answered Chaz, "hey, what did you get from the vending machine?"

"Oh, I got some Doritos. Hey Faenor, your pen's in the glove compartment. How did it even get there??"

"Beats me." replied Faenor.

Imrahil could've sworn he heard Faenor whisper something about dictatorships.

---

Several hours later, the sanity of the bus had been slightly regained thanks to frequent stops and lots of food. Currently, they pulled into the tiny town of Sheridan, Wyoming. Wyoming itself was a beautiful state, the kind of place where pretty much anything could be made into a postcard. Wide-open sky, dusty Plaines, looming mountain ranges. Yes, Imrahil could get used to views like this. Currently, he was pulling into the Goodwill, a local second-hand store.

"Do we really have to go here?" whined Argali.

"Why not? It won't kill us to enter a thrift store now and then."

"This is because I made fun of your pony pajamas, isn't it?" glared Aramir.

"Wait, Imrahil has pony pajamas?" asked Morgul, a grin of delight spreading over his face.

"Shut up! No, Aramir, this isn't because you made fun of my- Morgul, will you stop laughing?? Screw it, I don't have to explain myself to you people! I'm going in, and I have the keys to the car."

There was some assorted grumbling, but almost everyone decided to head on inside. It was a good-sized store, filled with all sorts of merchandise.

"Seriously, do they sell anything besides ten gallon hats and flannel shirts??" whined Imrahil, looking through men's clothing.

"Don't be silly, Imrahil. They also sell denim skirts!" added Itallie sarcastically from the women's section.

Suddenly, Imrahil's phone came to life with the music of Borne on Wings of Steel by Kansas. He raised the phone to his ear while simultaneously answering it.

"Hello?"

"Imrahil, my boy!"

Imrahil recognized the voice and greeting immediately.

"Uncle Dragon??"

"The one and only! Hey, listen, I was running through the refrigerator, and I noticed that we're out of steak."

Imrahil sighed. "Dragon, what are you doing in our house? And if you can't find any steak, that's probably because you ate it all."

"Really, I need to talk to Glosur about renovating this pantry." continued Dragon, ignoring the question, "There isn't a single thing to eat around here. All I could find was some nasty cereal with marshmallows in it."

"YOU ATE MY LUCKY CHARMS?!"

"Yeah, it wasn't even that great. I don't know why you like that stuff so much."

Imrahil sighed deeply, and suddenly felt like he was coming down with a headache. "...Dragon, is there an actual reason you called?"

"Oh, yeah. Do you know where your dad keeps the nacho cheese and the bacon?"

"Yeah, in the cabinet next to the sink, and bottom drawer of the refrigerator. Wait, what?!"

"Well, nice chat, dear nephew. I'll see ya."

"Dragon!"

Imrahil was answered by the dial tone as Dragon hung up the phone. Swearing under his breath, he continued to look through the endless rows of flannel shirts.

"Trav would probably love this place." commented Chaz, looking at yet another display of cowboy hats. "Hey, I wonder if they have any good movies."

"I already checked." announced Karos from the other side of the room, "they're all John Wayne westerns."

"Well, why don't you pick a few out? Maybe we could have a movie night at the hotel or something."

Suddenly, Borne on Wings of Steel was playing once again. Imrahil was starting to gain a hatred for his very favorite song. With frustrated, jerky motions, he yanked the phone up to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Imrahil! What have you done?!"

"What??"

"Uncle Dragon's been crashing at this house all day, and Indo and I can't get him to leave! He's been eating all our food, playing with our WII!"

"Uh...'

"This has gone too far! Now he's making some kind of freaking bacon cheese thing and ransacking our kitchen! He's like a Norse invader, pillaging and destroying all he comes into contact with!"

"Right, so-"

"There's only one way to deal with this! Imrahil, where does Faenor keep his extra katana?"

"In the bottom drawer of his dresser. Now as I was- wait, what?!"

"Thanks for your help bro. I'll see you later."

"Eureka!"

Imrahil was once again met by the dial tone. He was somewhat irate at this point, which was a rarity.

"Uh... anyways," continued Chaz, "Can I borrow a dollar? I want to buy this book, but I forgot my money in the car."

"Sure!" answered Imrahil, reaching for his wallet. Borne on Wings of Steel, a song he was slowly learning to hate with a fiery passion, began playing. Imrahil fumed, stomped his foot, and threw the phone to his ear.

"WHO IS IT NOW!? WHAT IS IT NOW?! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR CRAP, I'M BUSY ON A FRIGGIN' ROAD TRIP, AND I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BE BOTHERED BY YOUR IDIOTIC INTER-FAMILY ARGUMENTS!!"

A small, rather frightened voice came back:

"Uh... Mr. Wiki, this is Joe from the Chevrolette dealership... uh, your car has been repaired, and you can come pick it up at your earliest convenience..."

"Oh.... uh... thanks."

Imrahil tried unsuccessfully to shrivel up and die, as all the siblings close enough to overhear the conversation were doubled over laughing.

---

It was a very boring drive through Montana. The type of drive that's so insanely, incredibly, indescribably boring, that I won't even relate it here, lest the you fall asleep. It was so boring that the most exciting part of it was probably when they stopped at the Wendy's, and Imrahil dropped a fry in between the seats.*

''*thankfully the fry was recovered by Chaz, who's quick reflexes kept it from disappearing into the Great Void. Imrahil very nearly awarded him a Wiki Family Medal of Honor, but Chaz decided to eat the fry himself instead of giving it back to it's rightful owner. ''

Finally, they arrived at the hotel. Again, they kept the same room arrangements, and again Imrahil collapsed with exhaustion onto the couch as soon as he walked in. Who knew just sitting around for hours at a time could be so exhausting??

Dear Travian,

'Thanks for your email! I really enjoyed it! Yeah, things aren't going bad here at all. We just finished traveling through Wyoming. You really would've liked it there, it was pretty much nothing but sheer cowboy stuff. I could swear I saw John Wayne just behind us in the Mcdonald's Drive-thru.'

'Yesterday, we stopped at Mount Rushmore. It was really crappy. I think the highlight was the giftshop. I bought a really nifty package of Astronaut Ice Cream. I'm not really sure why they were selling it at the Mount Rushmore giftshop, but hey, I love that stuff.'

'Anyways, tomorrow we'll be making the final stretch to Spokane. I just hope we make it there alive. Thanks again for taking the time to read this, Trav.'

Your brother, 

Imrahil