User blog:High Prince Imrahil/The Wiki Family - Imrahil Goes Insane

Imrahil flies off the rails. No, seriously. He's actually insane.



--- HIGH PRINCE IMRAHIL PRESENTS: WIKI FAMILY - IMRAHIL'S INSANITY  ---





"Would you like some more coffee, Ms. Matsumoto?" asked Imrahil politely. By his girlfriend's silence, he presumed that she didn't. Pouring himself another cup, he leaned back in his chair and sighed. "I tell you, Erwin, we have a beautiful day ahead of us."

'Erwin' was the pet name he gave to Riko Matsumoto, his brand new girlfriend. She was a beautiful girl from Japan that loved Erwin Rommel, and even wore an Afrika Korps hat from time to time. She was smart, kind, devoted...

And she was also an anime bodypillow that Imrahil ordered from the internet. But that was legit the only drawback.



---



Morgul peaked out from behind the couch, binoculars trained on the kitchen table. When Imrahil had started watching anime, Morgul was a little worried. Then came the twelve-hour long binges, but Morgul still held his tongue. But now Imrahil was having a comfortable breakfast and chatting casually with an anime body pillow. The Rubicon of full-on insanity had been crossed, and Morgul's hand had been forced. Currently, he was spying on Imrahil, preparing a plan of action.

"I still can't believe you did this to Imrahil." muttered Morgul to his fellow spy.

An indignant scoff echoed quietly from behind the sofa. "All I did was introduce dear Imrahil to some quality entertainment." came Faenor's voice, dampened by the blankets he was hiding under. "If the characters were so incredible that Imrahil prefers them to real people, that's certainly not my fault."

"Freakin' anime [CENSORED] should all be burned." growled Indom, who was lying on the couch and happened to overhear the conversation. "Look what it's done to poor Imrahil. He used to be the most sane out of all of us, and now he's a [CENSORED] [CENSORED] weeaboo son of a [CENSORED}."

"The change is rather frightening." conceded Faenor.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Nothing to be done now." said Morgul with a sigh. "We just have to intervene before this goes too far."

<p class="MsoNormal">Indom blinked. "Morgul, he's talking to a freaking pillow. I think things have already gone too far.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Imrahil smiled sweetly. "Hey, Erwin..." he said slowly, "I know this is kind of sudden, but... every since I bought you off that scary man from the internet, I've thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world. We have so much in common. Me with my wit and humor, you with your inanimate pillowness. Do you think maybe... we could go out to dinner?"

<p class="MsoNormal">Imrahil waited for a moment, but there was no reply. He took that as a quiet 'yes'.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Awesome!" he leapt out of his chair and hugged the anime pillow tightly. "Erwin, you're the best girl a guy could ever have. How about the Dairy Queen down the street?"

<p class="MsoNormal">Imrahil was not permitted to continue, as he heard a loud cough from beside him. He turned to see Shadow and Berry with identical looks of horror and disbelief.

<p class="MsoNormal">There was a very long silence in which nobody moved. "Er, Immy..." began Berry uneasily, "don't you think you're taking this whole 'waifu' thing a little far?

<p class="MsoNormal">"Nonsense!" exclaimed Imrahil brightly. "Erwin is way cooler then any girl in so-called 'real life'. She drives a tank for one thing. She also loves Erwin Rommel, hence the nickname. Not to mention she's loyal and devoted. She would never betray me."

<p class="MsoNormal">Berry and Shadow shared a long, horrified look, before turning back to Imrahil. "... right." both brothers started inching towards the kitchen door. Imrahil looked away for a moment, and they set out in a dead sprint back towards the treehouse.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Anime haters." muttered Imrahil. "they're so close-minded."

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">---

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Morgul, Indom and Faenor were all gathered in the attic, where Morgul unfurled a map of the kitchen. He carefully placed a few wooden tokens on the map. "These represent our positions," he began. "The plan is just a little complicated, but I guarantee it's gonna work. We're going to need eight small mackerel, electrical tape, a CD case, allergy meds, a zamboni, three pairs of dentures, a ten-pound jar of margarine and an Apache helicopter. Double-rotor and filled with albino tiger cubs."

<p class="MsoNormal">...

<p class="MsoNormal">"-OR-" interjected Faenor with an odd look, "we could just go talk to Imrahil."

<p class="MsoNormal">Morgul rolled his eyes grandly, and folded the map back up. "Come on, Faenor. You never let me use my plans."

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">---

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Imrahil folded up the morning paper, and prepared to walk Erwin back upstairs. It was time to watch Dragon Ball Z, and he had only finished binging the first sixteen seasons. He had just put his arm around Erwin, when Indom burst through the kitchen door holding a handgun. "Drop the pillow!" he shouted, "this is an intervention!"

<p class="MsoNormal">"An inter-wha?" Imrahil's brow furrowed, trying to figure out what was going on.

<p class="MsoNormal">Faenor and Morgul walked in on either side of Indom. "Now dearest brother, this is for your own good," said Faenor calmly, "your relationship with that... pillow... is rather unhealthy, I think we can all agree."

<p class="MsoNormal">Imrahil frowned. More anime haters. Does the Weeaboo persecution ever end?! Imrahil looked down at Erwin, and in an instant his decision was made.

<p class="MsoNormal">"You'll take this girl from my cold dead hands!" he declared proudly, hoping to impress her.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Imrahil, it's not a girl, it's a freaking pillow!" yelled Morgul in exasperation.

<p class="MsoNormal">Indom waved his handgun in a brutal show of force. His voice was impatient. "Imrahil, drop the pillow or so help me I will pry it out of your cold, dead hands."

<p class="MsoNormal">Imrahil seized a chair and threw it with all his might as he ducked into the kitchen. But his aim was off, the chair crashed harmlessly against the wall, and the report of Indom's handgun echoed through the house. Imrahil felt a sharp pain as he collapsed to the tile floor of the kitchen, still hugging Erwin against his chest.

<p class="MsoNormal">"I... I've been hit..." muttered Imrahil, "but I did it for you, Erwin... I took a bullet for you..."

<p class="MsoNormal">Numbness spread through his body, he could feel his senses starting to fade.

<p class="MsoNormal">"If I have to die... I'm glad it's with you..."

<p class="MsoNormal">Nuzzling Erwin to his face, Imrahil fell into unconsciousness.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">"You didn't actually kill Imrahil, right?" Faenor shifted uneasily, an eyebrow raised as he turned towards his brother.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Nah," said Indom, rolling his eyes. "It was just a tranquilizer. Immy's gonna wake up in eight hours with a limp and a bad headache. That gives us plenty of time to burn all his anime crap."

<p class="MsoNormal">"Alright." said Faenor. There was a brief pause as he checked his watch. "Well, maybe in a little while. Dragonball Z is coming on in ten minutes."