User blog:ChazmanianDevil/Rio Summer Olympics: Opening Ceremony

Well the Summer Olympics are in full swing now, and I was bored, so I decided, heck? Why not make a few blog posts about Olympic news? So here I am with installment number one, the opening ceremony on Friday. These will continue for the length of the Olympics, and I'll usually cover news, gossip, and and crap that caught my eye while watching. Even if no one reads it, heck, it's a good way to practice my writing skills. Without further ado, let the torch be lit!

So we kick off the Olympics with Friday's opening ceremony, and I have to say Brazil did an excellent job with this despite a lower budget than most. This is a big deal, because this is the first ever South American hosted Olympics, and Brazil's had to struggle with a whole lot of crap to get here. (ZIKA comes to mind...) You can tell from the very beginning the whole thing is going to be full of enthusiasm even fro mine commentators. The wait has certainly built up a lot of anticipation.

It starts us off with a beautifully done history of Brazil, and because I love Brazilian culture I was totally into this. They start off showcasing some of the wildlife of the Amazon jungle, using creepy bug contraptions that people move around the stage. Then that's over and they move into the native tribes, showing them moving throughout the rainforest. Then suddenly ships begin to float on stage, Portugese explorer at the front, they begin to move in and out of the tribesmen, and the whole thing just really comes together. Then the slave trade begins and slaves begin to file in, on wheels, carrying ladders, generally just giving a real undertone of depression. And then it only gets faster as more and more ethnicities begin to come on, each one having their moment. Also, let's just to take a moment to admire the fact that they got appropriate people of each race to play the part. Then we get one of my favorite parts during the history where a bunch of buildings rise out of the back of the stage, and it's flooded by people, who begin an awesome dance number reminding me only slightly of the chimney sweeps from Mary Poppins...



So then after a bit showcasing culture, we go into the parade of nations. What do I say about the parade of nations? I miss the Winter Olympics... I mean, this thing was long... Three hours long... Three hours of countries walking through... Now because I don't want to go through every country and bore you all to death, I've just recorded some of my thoughts during it for you all.

- Why do they only show the number of athletes in the corner for like 3 seconds?!? Hasn't it occurred to them that people aren't necessarily watching just as the country walks in?!? It's not like it's taking up any extra room, as the area where they show it is already covered up anyway! There's literally no reason for them to do this!

- We're only on B and I've already noticed that the African uniforms are totally the best.

- What?!? Tv! Why did you skip Slovenia?!? I really wanted to see the Slovenian delegation! What could possibly be more important than-the USA?!? Are you kidding?!? I want to see Slovenia!!! (Sarcasm if you couldn't tell...)

- 554! 554 athletes! We are not holding back this year are we?!? Take that Germany! (How Germany got so many in the first place I'll never know, they're like the size of my thumb...)

- Well the French delegation looks awfully depressed...

- What!?! Seriously!?! You had nothing to say about Moldova?!? I mean, absolutely nothing! Are you kidding me? You've said some interesting fact about every single country so far, and you can't think of anything to say about Moldova!

- Why do the Montenegrin athletes look like they just stepped out of Beauxbatons

- And we meet the one athlete from Tuvalu! I'm cheering for you buddy!

- And the crowd just erupted in cheers for the first ever Refugee Athlete Team! I presume their cheering because they made it this far, not because they're now refugees...

- And we finish up with Brazil... I was going to make a joke, but honestly I think we should just appreciate how happy they look. France could take a few tips from them. (Whoops. Looks like I ended up making one anyway...)



Now the parade is over and the Olympic Rings, come out. I wonder what's going to happen next?!? Is it the lighting of the torch?!? Some more dancing?!? No it's Michel Temer giving an hour long speech about national salvation... You know I'm starting to wonder if the entire ceremony before this was spent rehearsing...



Then again maybe I'm not being fair. Yes, it's true I almost fell asleep despite having viscious allergies at the time, but the Brazilians seemed pretty fired up, and Temer did kind of get this role thrust upon him after the Brazilian senate voted to put the former president on trial for alleged illegal accounting practices.



But the speech is over and we're nearing ute end of the ceremony. Time for the lighting of the torch! (Finally...) Interestingly enough the athlete lighting the torch was originally supposed to be Pele, but he withdrew at the last second giving substitute lighter Vanderlei de Lima only an hour's notice. He said it was something he never expected after he lost his chance at Olympic gold twelve years ago, when an Irish spectators wearing a kilt, knee socks, and a beret tackled him during a race, forcing him to drop back into the third place. By the way, I'd also like to point out just how awesome the design for the torch is this year. It's a giant cauldron, that once lit, glows with fire, and rises up in front of this curling, twisting sun thing.



But anyway, Vanderlei lights the torch, everyone cheers, and fireworks go off all around the stadium. And so the ceremony ends, the Olympics begins, and I'm left wondering just how much money they have to spend on fireworks.