User blog:Eureka Enderborn/Family - Part 2.5!

So, I liked Imrahil's latest "wiki family" blog so much I decided to do one of my own. This takes place as Imrahil and Travian are arriving at the library...

When Imrahil and Trav arrived at the bookstore, they were surprised to find Eureka already sitting there reading Catch-22. They made their way over to him.

He looked up. “Hey, Imrahil! I heard that your attempts to woo Clara went…” he suddenly pulls an egg out of nowhere “EGGcelently!”

Imrahil rolled his eyes, while Travian was confused. “Why do you have an egg?”

Eureka grinned. “I’m glad you asked. I carry a bunch of props for puns with me. It’s pretty” he sets down the egg and whips out a fan “FANtastic!”

This just left Travian even more confused. “How many of those do you have?”

“Oh, I got a whole *pulls out toy truck* TRUCK load of ‘em! You might think it’s *takes out a banana* BANANAS, or maybe even a little *grabs a can of cashews* NUTS, but as you can *takes out model airplane* PLANEly see, I’m having a *pulls out bag full of grapes” GRAPE time! isn’t this *pulls out a human bone* HUMERUS?”

Imrahil just sat there in a permanent facepalm, while poor Travian was utterly confused.

Eureka put all of the random objects away. “For me, puns are a full time job. But I was once interested in other careers. One time, I applied to be a butcher, but I didn’t make the cut.” He paused for a moment to smile like an idiot. “Before that, however, I was a plastic surgeon. Let me tell you, that raised a few eyebrows!”

Imrahil groaned. “Seriously, can you ever make another kind of joke?”

Eureka seemed a bit taken aback. “Well, I have this one construction joke, but I’m still WORKING on it.”

“Oh my god, please stop.”

Eureka smiled a little less. “Fine. New subject.” he turns to Travian. “I was trying to catch fog earlier today.”

Imrahil looked up. “Please no…”

“Mist.” And there’s that stupid smile again.

Travian shook his head. “That was truly terrible.”

“Seriously, cut it out.”

“Fine.” Eureka sat back and was silent for a moment. Then he started talking again. “Hey, did you guys read the new alternate history Lord of the Rings trilogy?”

“No, why?”

“There was a bit in there that I quite liked. So, the Fellowship is heading along, minding their own business and whatnot. Aragorn is smoking a pipe, then suddenly stops. ‘I should really stop smoking.’ he said. ‘just think of what happened to Erebor.’ Then Gimli says ‘What are you talking about? What do pipes have to do with the fall of Erebor?’ and Aragorn smiles and says ‘Well, there was too much Smaug in the air.’” And there was that disgusting smile again.

As the two were reeling from the first attack, he moved in with a knock-down blow. “Hey, did you ever wonder why there are no schools in Lothlorien? It’s because they’re all Elf-educated!”

“Please, spare us! Please!”

“Alright, fine. Hey Imrahil, what’s your favorite colour?”

“Oh, um… blue.”

Eureka grinned. “Y’know, the best colour is turquoise. It’s CYANtifically proven.”

“GAAAAH!”

“I know, right? When I RED it on the internet, it totally BLUE my mind. I was absolutely PURPLExed!”

Imrahil curled up in the fetal position.

“Aww, Imrahil, you seem cold! But that’s no reason to ICE-olate yourself!”

Imrahil shot him a death glare.

“You know, if you’re cold, you could just stand in a corner. They’re always 90 degrees.”

Imrahil stood up and grabbed Travian. “That does it. We’re sitting somewhere else.”

Eureka nodded. “Alright. Just don’t sit by the window, it’s a real PANE!”

Imrahil breathed deeply for a moment, then marched away.

Eureka, having driven everyone near him away, kicked back contently now that he was free to finish his book without threat of disruption.